Sunshine & true.

Written by Bri Tahj (Short Story) 

Preface.

Asani’s eyes fluttered open as she awoke from a deep sleep. She couldn’t believe that she had found herself here again. The library was empty, cold, and pitch black aside from the gray and purple hues casting through its grand windows against the moonlight. Asani knew that the jakes were going to come looking for her- she had snuck into the secret room hidden in the library’s infrastructure which contained sealed documents and files. She often hid there, scavenging information and material for her research. Although often zealous, Asani could never be clueless. She always knew what she was getting herself into. It was near 12am on a Saturday night. There was no clock in sight and her phone was somewhere buried in her bag, but Asani knew what time it was. She always did. 

     She grabbed all of her belongings quickly and threw everything into her trusted Speedy 30, along with several sealed files about the murder of two young black men from around the way. The cases were old, but Asani needed a focus for her paper. She didn't care what she had to do to tell the truth; she would do whatever it took- by any means necessary. Afterall, she was going to be a journalist. And as her grandpa always said, journalists are just the midwives of time. And time is always history.

Asani cleaned up the space in the little spot of the room that she had occupied so perfectly you’d never even know she was there. She dove for her phone and when she finally found it, she hit the flash and headed for the fire escape. Just before climbing out, she tucked her braids and pulled up her mask, covering her mouth and nose- ninja style. The air was nasty and wicked, and shit was getting hectic in the streets.

      When her duffel dropped to the ground is when she first saw those lights shimmer RED, WHITE, and BLUE.

“Fuck”,

Asani sighed to herself, annoyed with her own oblivion. 12 was onto her.  She had been heated at herself for falling asleep in the library building since the second she woke up. But now was no time for her to be pissy about it; now she had to do what she had always done best- think. Before she knew it, two cop cars and three male cops pulled up and hopped out of their vehicles. They cornered her.   

Asani had on black sweatpants, a long-sleeved Tokyo tee, crisp white Nikes, and she carried her Louis V on her left arm. Her face was warm and pretty with lips full like the moon, and she had soft brown skin that was almost golden like the sun. She dressed like a boy, but not because she wasn’t feminine. It was simply because she liked to keep it hood and raw. She had always been pretty, and her mannerisms had never been anything less than ladylike. She just wasn’t interested in taking her clothes off to prance around half naked or in not letting her skin breathe from too tight ensembles all for strangers to speculate and feed on her like prey. She was high fashion supermodel, but make it street…

       “What exactly do you think you’re doing coming down from that fire escape at this time of night, youngin’?” the black police officer spat.

“Just your job better than you,” Asani answered, matter-of-factly.

The black cop chuckled and looked towards his partners. The other two policemen, one white and the other latino, made eye contact with the black male officer- ‘officer Lee’.

Eric Lee and Asani had known each other for almost all of their young adult years. They grew up in the same hood. As Lee pulled out a pair of cuffs, the white officer, ‘officer Green’, pulled out a gun and aimed it at Asani’s temple. Lee looked at her with a deep, disgusting lust, licked his lips, and said,

“Guess we’ll just have to see about that”, as he approached her closer.

They’ll be coming for your head.

Asani thought about the words her father had always warned her with. He and her mother had always taught her to be fierce and to play the board, not the player. She knew Lee wanted her bad. She knew that he could never and would never have her. But she played the man like a violin, just for the heck of it.

She stepped closer to Lee, gun still aimed at her head, the other two pigs waiting for Lee’s say so. She looked into his soul with her big, pretty, chocolate eyes and pressed her body up against his. Lee couldn't control himself. He had watched Asani for years, admiring her beauty and desiring to dominate her. The two were always rivals, though. Lee was a black cop and Asani hated black cops more than anything. To her, he was just another icky nigga. But Lee had plotted on her. Since school days, he had watched her, thinking of the ways he would take her down sexually when he could finally convince her to be his.

He wanted her since they were in junior high. He couldn't resist her sweet-smelling skin, reminiscent of daisies and marshmallows. Asani always looked pretty but she smelled even prettier. You could always smell her and know she was coming before she entered any room. She wore ‘Love, Don't Be Shy’ by Kilian whenever she stepped out. She believed that every man and every woman should have their own signature scent. Why? Because it worked magic. And what Lee would do next is the proof. Asani had said nothing. She just looked at him, with that look she had.

“Stand down.” Lee said, with a strong voice and stern face.

His eyes were trapped into Asani’s. The other officers sighed, annoyed, and put their guns away.

“Lets get the fuck out of here, pussy boy”, Diego shouted at Lee.

“Oh. I thought so.” Asani said, still looking Lee in the eyes, disgusted at his audacity to try to boss up on her and have his oink oink friends pointing guns at her and shit. Asani backed away and turned in the opposite direction, ready to dip. Before she walked away, she looked back at Lee. 

“Try me again,” she said warningly. 

Lee rolled his eyes at her and said “And if I do, little girl?” 

“Come to the block and I just might have this little surprise for you.”

Asani twisted her face and gave a ghetto girl mug as she sashayed into the moonlight. Lee tried to play it off in front of the others as if Asani was finally going to let him hit. But she knew that he knew what was really good.

He got back into his little cop car, heated. He sat and watched her tight frame and her hips switch as she walked off, thinking about what she really meant. He shook his head at the threat.

Trouble, he thought to himself. That girl always had been. 

***

     “Can you come and get me?”, Asani asked softly on the phone. It was 12:45 am now and Lennox was on the other end of her line.

He wasn’t her man. Asani didn’t believe in relationships because she believed in love. These days, the two never came as a package deal. She also didn’t do relationships because they held her back- she was selfish and she wanted more for herself and her own life than she did anyone else’s. And it didn't trouble her. Most people would probably say that she couldn't keep a man, but Asani believed that a man is never meant to be kept. Lennox, however, was more to her. He wasn’t her man, no, but if she wanted a man, it would be him. He was her babylove. He would come through blasting for her, and for her only.

       “Where you at, babygirl?”, Lennox got up from bed immediately and snatched his durag off, searching for his J’s.

Asani was his sweet spot just as much as he was hers. They loved each other deeply but they knew love wasn’t about possession or belonging to someone else. It was about appreciation. That’s why they were always there for eachother, whenever one needed the other.

Anyway, Asani was Lenny’s lil baby. He called her Sunshine. She had studied him, admired him, and taken on his mannerisms and little idiosyncrasies along the years.  She’d never admit it herself, but he knew that her demeanor was straight up mini Lenny. That was his girl. No matter what.

 “I'm on Liberty at the diner, across the street from the club.” 

“What you doing over there by yourself, all late like this?” Lennox asked.  

“I wanted french fries”, Asani lied.

She hated to have Lennox be all protective over her. She knew he meant well, but she was a grown ass woman. She would do what she wanted. 

“Yeah okay, well, I’ll be there in 20. Get me some food,” Lenny replied. 

 “Boy, it’s 1 in the morning, I know you ate already!”

“Hush, a nigga gotta eat,” said Lennox.  

Asani smacked her teeth. “Just hurry up please,” She said, as she rolled her eyes, trying to hide her smile. 

“Don’t forget my hot sauce, hot mama” Lenny teased before hanging up the phone. 

It was 2am and the rain was coming down hard when he pulled up.

Lennox was 6 feet tall and brown skinned with an athletic build. He had perfect, white teeth and soft curly hair, although the average person would never know because he always kept a fresh brush cut with his waves swimming. He always smelled good and looked fresh even during leisure. He had a keloid on his upper back, near his right shoulder blade from a gunshot wound he got from being shot at when he was younger. He recovered and healed up well, and one thing was for sure, after that day, niggas never shot at him again. He never had to try too hard either. He was just a clean, smooth, young brother.

He had been pushing the G since age 22 and he hadn’t gotten it from dirty money, either. He paid for it, straight up. He was  smart with his money and the moves he made. His pops taught him that there were different avenues in which a black man could provide for himself and his family outside of being a dope boy. He ran a sneaker business and had opened up a storefront in the neighborhood earlier that year that was already becoming more successful than he or anyone from his camp had anticipated. He also had developed a game changing app that multiple investors were interested in meeting  with him for.

He was getting dough. His close friends and family usually called him Lenny but on the streets and around the boys, he went by True. He got the name because he was honest, always. And that was rare for anyone, especially where he came from. When he caught eye of Asani, Lennox jumped out quickly, grabbed the umbrella to shield her, and walked her over to the passenger’s side, opening the door and waiting for her to get in. He threw the wet umbrella in the back seat without bothering to close it up and ran around to the driver’s seat, hopping in. 

“Here’s your food,” Asani said. 

“You okay?”

 “Why  wouldn’t I be?” Asani asked, pretending that she had never had the run in with the police and officer Lee. She knew that Lenny hated him as much as she did, if not more. 

“Cause you always being fast” Lenny joked.

 “Nah, i'm just the quickest.” Asani flirted back with him.

“I want to go home with you,” she said, looking at him, again, with that look.

But, this time it was filled with pure passion. Asani had so much respect and admiration for Lennox that she sort of looked up to him. Aside from Sarabi, he was her best friend, and to her he was the definition of a real, grown ass man. No games. No bullshit. Just True.

Asani somewhat feared the idea of marriage, but she secretly always pictured herself being Lenny’s wife. She knew that in the end, they belonged together. She didn’t like the word ‘deserve’, because she didn’t believe that anyone was deserving enough to actually ‘deserve’ another person. The term held more weight than what people gave it credit for. But if anyone deserved her, it was Lennox. She knew it in her heart and she felt that she deserved him too. Anytime she was around him, she wanted to give herself to him completely. In his presence, she never wanted to belong to anyone or anything more. And he knew because she could never hide it.

“You aint have a choice baby,” Lenny rested his hand between Asani’s thighs and sped off onto the expressway, hitting 85 with his baby girl by his side. 

***

     Lenny had his own spot. It was a townhouse laid with black brick and set in modern, gray industrial lining. It had tall steps and a stoop like the brownstones in Brooklyn. Lenny lived alone but Asani had her own key to his place; she stayed there just as much (or as little) as he did.

When they pulled up around the back to Lenny’s private driveway and garage, a chick was standing at Lenny’s back door, looking down at her phone- seemingly waiting for him. When the car was stopped and parked, Asani and Lennox both hopped out, Asani noticing Ashley first.

They walked up to the bottom of the steps where Ashley stood at the top near the back entrance. Ashley looked at Asani and rolled her eyes hard then she smacked her teeth and shot Lenny a pissed off glare.

“So this is why you not answering my texts?:” Ashley said with too much attitude, referring to Asani.

Lenny said nothing as he walked up the steps. Asani was still standing at the bottom of the stairs, looking annoyed and disgusted. 

"Make her leave,”

Asani said loud and clear, purposely, as she shot Lenny a stern look.

Lenny knew not to play with her. Because of the respect that they had for one another, Asani and Lennox shared something sacred. They never questioned one another, and they always obeyed. Unlike most young men and women their age, they trusted and fucked with each other so heavily that they moved almost as one, as they were loyal enough to obey without question. That was a trait that they both possessed so gracefully amongst one another that put the rest of their peers to shame.

“You gotta go” Lenny said, looking towards Ashley.

Asani would not shift her eyes from Lenny. She refused to put her pretty eyes on someone so ugly, and it wasn't even about looks.

“Oh, what? Cause this BITCH said so ?! You fucking tripping! You always frontin’ on me Lenny!” Ashley started making a scene and got loud.

“Watch your mouth.” Lenny said strongly.

That just fueled Ashley’s fire some more.

“Or what nigga?!” Ashley was red and furious now, hands swinging in Lenny’s direction.

Asani still stared at Lenny, fuming. She was pissed that this wild bitch was laying hands on her man. She wanted to jump in and attack, pull that bitch’s tracks off her scalp, pop a nail or something, but Lenny’s eyes wouldn’t give her the go ahead. She was mad that she chose to fight a grown ass man instead of someone her own size. I'm right here, bitch! Asani thought to herself. Face me!

Asani was getting more and more heated by the second. She wanted to pound this bitch so bad but she knew that Lenny wouldn't allow it. When Lenny was around, no one touched her. Not even the weak hoes he knew she could beat. Suddenly, Lenny grabbed both of Ashley’s arms by her wrists and locked them up with his strong fists.

"You love this bitch so much! It’s always about Asani!!! Nobody fucking matters but Asani!!! I hate you nigga! Fuck you and that bitch!” Ashley was just yelling now and talking out of her neck, but Lennox had her in full restraint.

“I told you to watch your fucking mouth already, or can you only do that when my dick is in it? Shut the fuck up. Calm the fuck down. You don’t listen. You talk too much. That’s ya fucking problem. I told you what this was when I started fucking you. You didn’t listen! This ain't about Asani, so stop speaking her name. It’s about you. Why would I wanna wife you when you don’t know how to shut up, listen, or most importantly, stay in a woman’s place?”

"Oh but this bitch do?!” Ashley spat back.

“What did she do to you? Did you see her react?”

Ashley stood silent for the first time since she had been there.

“Exactly” Lenny said, “Who the fuck want a bitch they gotta train? Look at you. I told you to stop hitting my line a long time ago anyway. You just can't help yourself.” Lenny shook his head.

“Call an uber and leave, cause i'm not taking you home.”

Ashley rolled her eyes and smacked her teeth at Lenny, then gave Asani a crazy look. She was dismissed and clearly, she was hurt. She stomped down the stairs angrily and poked out her mouth. Asani stood in the exact same position she had been standing in since she first arrived, not unlocking eyes with Lennox. She waited until Ashley had disappeared completely, then walked up the steps to meet Lenny. The two still shared no words; instead, Lenny unlocked the door and let Asani in first. Once he had shut and locked it behind him, Asani had already thrown her stuff down and pulled out two glasses. She pulled the D'usse from Lenny’s liquor shelf and poured.

“Take a drink”.

Asani slid the glass across the marbled countertop.

Lenny laughed. That’s all he could do. Asani had always shocked him with her composure. Inside, she’d be on fire. But she would never let anyone see that fire, let alone see her sweat. Unlike a lot of females, Asani’s emotions didn’t swallow her whole. She was calculated. Always. And that’s why Lenny loved her.

"You sure you don't need the drink? You okay?” Lenny asked.

“Do I look bothered?”

“No, just pretty.”

Asani stared into Lenny’s soul through his eyes, working her magic.

“I don’t even know why shorty was here. I been stopped talking to that girl. It ain’t nothing. Don’t worry about Ashley.” Lenny said

“Do I look worried?” Asani replied.

She was genuinely curious now. She was speaking soft and seductive-like on purpose. She always used her sweet voice and ability to remain calm as part of her mystique... She loved using her womanhood and sex appeal to her own advantage.

“Nah," Lenny answered confidently.

“Why would I be worried about a bitch that cant even keep up with me? She froggy. The hoe been pressed at my existence since she laid eyes on me. It’s not about you. It’s about her being mad cause she aint me and could never be me, or even close for that matter. I don't have energy to waste on hoes that are beneath me. I don't have time to explain to bitches what they’ll never understand. She can’t have what’s mine. I don’t want what’s her’s. Simple.”

“And what do she want that’s yours?”

“My life”, Asani said matter of factly.

Lenny picked up the glass of D'usse, swished it around, then threw it back.

"How you figure?” He was just testing Asani now.

Asani rolled her eyes, not giving into his game. Instead, she walked around to him, kissed his cheek, pulled him close, and rubbed his nape in her palm. The truth was she didn’t care about Lenny fucking Ashley- or any other girl for that matter- like, really though.

As far as Asani was concerned, as long as the other women Lenny entertained didn’t disrespect her, they didn’t matter. It’s not like her and Lenny were in a relationship. She knew that what she meant to Lenny was different, for real. Their connection was otherworldly.

Plus, Lenny wasnt the kind of man to get jealous if Asani were fucking other dudes. He believed that the first rule in loving a woman was to liberate her; That’s why Asani loved him most and why she only craved him. She mostly reserved the kitty for men who took the time to learn her. That was law. She wasnt for the streets, but she wouldn’t dare let her interest in sex or desire confine or define her.

Her and Lenny fucked when they wanted to. They didn’t question each other about who else they were fucking. They trusted each other to make healthy decisions. It was really, really, simple honestly. They were so connected spiritually on a different level than anything else that existed in this universe that nothing else mattered. They never wanted to possess or control; They only ever wanted to really be there for each other and support each other’s dreams, no matter what.

"Why do you like her?” Asani asked Lenny, nibbling his bottom lip softly.

“I don’t, really," he replied.

"So why do you mess with her?” Asani asked, pulling back.

"Shorty aight. She may be a lil feisty, but she bad as shit, you know that.” Asani rolled her eyes.

"You gotta do better, my love. I want more for you.” she stated, sarcastically. “You shouldn’t trust a beautiful devil.”

“Anytime i’m with you, that realm with girls like Ashley doesn't exist. You already know how im coming bout you. You my heart. Cmon, now. You know I don't play about that.”

"You don’t have a heart”, Asani said.

“Exactly, so i'm not a man without you.”

“Sometimes I think we’re the same,” she replied.

“We are.”

***

Asani pulled up the evite on her phone to make sure that she had the addy right. It was a Thursday night and she was headed to a ‘conversation party’ that she and her homegirl Siren took turns hosting. This was an event where conversation and debate led the night. No music, no dancing... just drinks flowing, weed blowing, and provoking thoughts; it was the scene to be at for intellects around the way. It was a warm summer night in mid July, and the night’s breeze felt familiar and alluring like an old fling. The weather’s subtle invitation and the heartbeat of the city had Asani feeling especially sensual.

She usually never did too much, but tonight, she had the urge to look killer. All black, silk mini. Tom Ford locket heels and chrome clutch to match. Diamond tennis bracelet, 5 karats. French tip mani and a perfect pedi, that was law. That was the look. The mini dress had spaghetti straps and the silk hugged Asani’s frame nicely, accentuating her curves and full figure... Asani was a stunner and she knew it, so she carried herself like one. She sprayed her signature summer fragrance; 3 L’Impératrice by Dolce & Gabbana and applied her brown lip liner then sheer pink lip gloss. She grabbed the keys to her Acura and sped off into the summer night, ready to charm.

Asani pulled up at the event house, parked, and found her way inside. It was a beach house BNB out on the lake with beautiful views. Siren rented it out just for the event. Asani and her girls did things special that way, always. When she opened the grand doors to the large home, she noticed seemingly everyone gathered around a huge conversation pit that was set right in the center of the large entertainment room with grand windows from floor to ceiling.

Most people were a shot or two in already and the thick July air smelled like straight gas, but the refreshing wind from the beachside brought in an enchanting draft that cleared the weed smell into the night. It seemed as if almost all eyes turned to Asani immediately; she thought there may have been an intense conversation going on, but suddenly the main conversation seemed to pause and chatter lowered when she came through. She naturally and almost instantly locked eyes with Siren, her best friend, first. In the back, almost in the cut, she noticed Lenny ashing a joint, and her eyes met his too. He smirked at her and nodded. They could almost sense each other, in any room. It was always that way. Siren smiled but before she could say anything, Asani asked, “What’s the word?”

“This girl right here is the perfect example of what I be talking about. God damn, girl. You are always on your own time walking in late whenever you want, wherever you want. Everybody in here knows that one of the main rules of the party is not to be late. But she gets a pass, ladies and gentleman. Because you're a female and you wearing that little dress we supposed to just let you rock out”, Chauncey spat.

Asani’s pretty face twisted up quick and she shot back, “excuse me?”, in a ‘you got me fucked up’ kind of way.

Siren intervened. “Chauncey, chill on my girl, damn! You aint the fucking party police. Sani, we’re discussing the advantages that men have over women in relationships or vice versa. Chauncey is just a little in his feelings already, clearly.”

The two girls chuckled at her observation as she poured her friend a glass of red wine and slid over on the long sectional sofa. Asani took a sip and settled in.

“What's your angle, Chauncey? You always coming for me, tonight I'm swinging heavy. What you on?”

The attention of the majority turned to what was now Chauncey and Asani's debate.

“Well, Asani. As I was saying before I was rudely interrupted by your grand entrance, females like you have every advantage imaginable in today’s day and age over men. Y’all don't have to do shit. Always complaining, bickering, whining about your wants and desires which just makes you seem shallow and greedy. Spoiled, no regard for people’s time or standards. Mhmummm.”

Chauncey cleared his throat as if to sarcastically throw shade at Asani. Asani and Siren held hands and giggled, as if they were uninterested in his spiel.

Lenny observed.

“Like, you bitches be wanting the whole world and dont do shit but look cute and spend money. Look at you. You came here late, for what? Your little ensemble that you probably put together all night just to get some attention from the men up in here? All yall have to worry about is shit that dont really matter, like your outfits and looks. I'm just so far past that shit. If it feels like I'm always attacking you, it's because you always doing something to draw attention to yourself. Like we all in here just chilling, why are you in heels and a silk gown?” he pondered.

“I’m not gonna water myself down to make anyone in this room feel more comfortable. If I'm the star, then so be it. Why are you so mad that I look good, chauncey? Is it because you can't have me?”

Some people in the room started chuckling and Asani saw Lenny laughing over in the corner, shaking his head.

“Dun dun dunnnnnn, shots fired!” Asani and Siren’s homie, Yoshi, called out. Chauncey’s skin flushed red underneath his caramel brown melanin.

“That boy maddddd.... Somebody call the doctor, cause he is hurt!” some dude joked. Laughter broke like wildfire. Everybody was either high, tipsy, or both, and that’s where the conversation always gets real.

Chauncey’s bitter voice cut through the laugher-

“Fuck out of here. Girl, I don't want you.”

He had a smug look on his face and you could see his jaw starting to clench up tight. He tried to hide his embarrassment, but everyone could clearly see that he was affected by Asani’s words. Suddenly, the room felt tense which was extremely rare. Siren looked at her girl and just knew she was ready to let this nigga have it.

“Then why are you so obsessed with me? Is it because I'm like nothing you’ve ever seen? I'm a foreign creature to you, because I'm proof that two things can be true at the same time; women can be sexy and smart, strong and soft, mysterious and absolute? It seems like you have a personal vendetta against me because I'm all of the things you say you don’t want or need, yet still crave. I mean, you said I'm always doing things to draw attention to myself... how? I don’t think that's true. It seems more to me that you’re upset that people are naturally drawn to me. I have pull, baby. I just can't help that. You think I spend so much time on or am constantly focused on my looks and image? Tuh.”

Asani flipped her hair and ran both her hands down her own body sensually starting with her breasts, showing off all her sexiness in full theatrics. “My look works itself.” Almost in sync, Asani and Siren both put their pointer finger to their own tongue, licked it, and did a Tssssss in the air playfully, yet seductively as Asani worked her magic.

“Whooohoooooo!”

“Yesssss, bitch!”

“Ayyyyy, mami!”

“Yo, no way. I want what she’s on, pass that here.”

Asani knew just how to work a crowd. The air felt light again and the energy was returning to its natural state. Asani and her girls giggled over her short performance quickly as she watched Lenny from her peripheral view, watching her. Lenny was fully intrigued. He loved when Asani spoke. No matter the topic or what she said, his favorite thing about her was her voice and her ability to use it. He didn’t mean to stare or watch her so hard. He just felt things for her that words would never do justice, so he learned to say less. Still, he was infatuated. Chauncey smirked slightly and said nothing, just rolled his eyes and shook his head. The noise in the room settled back down a bit and Asani took another approach.

“Chauncey, women are rarely taken seriously. Especially women like myself who go against the idea of what men like you think a woman should be. You think that because I wear a small dress and heels that i'm looking for attention when really, I'm just being free and allowing myself to feel confident and unafraid of my sexuality. Men are constantly telling women that they lack sensuosity but when do you all ever allow us to be sensual? Why can’t women ever just be themselves? We’re always being held to some standard. Fuck the standards. We should be allowed to just be.”

Some tall, tatted dude with glasses chimed in…

“Exactly bro, listen to what she’s saying. I agree 100%. We ask Black women to be more open and sensual with us all the time, but in all honesty, do we truly allow them to feel like they can be soft, sensual creatures when they’re with us? A lot of women go through a lot of shit we don't see or know about. It has to be wild to feel like you’re only living for or through somebody else. I can't imagine. It makes sense why Asani or women like her would feel boxed in.”

“I feel like Asani is full of shit.” Chauncey replied, unenthusiastically. Asani thought she heard a bitch on the side say “me too” but she let it slide. She knew there’d be more to this feud. He started up again.

“I feel like right now, you’re trying to push this kumbaya, fake feminism thing and its all just propaganda. That shit is non-existent in the 21st century. You bitches dont even like each other for real. The confidence shit you preach is usually just a facade. Even that lil shit yall just did. That was cute, I guess. But it’s all fake, you hoes be in secret competition with each other, backstabbing each other, the whole nine. Y’all literally are only good for so much. I shouldn't have to teach you how or ‘allow you space’ to be a woman... whatever the fuck that means. Black women want so much, demand so much, have so much attitude and wont do anything to please their man. If I'm with you there should be no questions asked about anything I want, ever. Again, yall are like liabilities so unfortunately, yes, that boils right back down to something to fuck on but nothing more. What can you really offer a man? A man can put a woman in position to succeed in every way possible but what can a woman offer a man that's of true value to him? We take care of the family, the household, the bills.. I mean, yeah, y'all carry the children but like... what else?”

“Yo, you're buggin”, someone yelled.

Lenny sat upright with a striking look in his eyes, and he spoke with a base in his voice that shook and silenced the room. “Bro, i'm only gonna tell you this once. I don’t give a fuck about what you saying about none of these bitches, but when it comes to Asani, watch how you speaking to her. Don’t refer to her as none of that, that shit is dead from this point on”, he said to Chauncey.

“What does that mean?” Chauncey said, in his fake tough-guy persona.

“Nigga, you know what the fuck that mean”, Lenny said, clear as day. He screwed his face up in confusion at this guy’s audacity to test him. “It’s dead. We can step outside if you really need a lesson.”

Chauncey scoffed, guzzled a beer, and played it off nonchalantly but he knew what was up. Soft chatter filled the room once again and the tatted tall dude, Alex, spoke again before Asani could get a word out.

“So, my guy, I just want to know would you have this same energy you got right now if you were talking to or referring to a white woman? I don't think you would.”

“Nigga, white women dont do this. They dont sit and go back and forth with their men. Women of other races actually listen and willingly submit to their men. In fact, it's only Black women who have these unfair advantages in relationships because they are always on the receiving end, but never willing to give. ‘I want to find myself, I want to love myself, this is my journey’. Good, so do that. But don’t be mad, old, and bitter in the end wondering why you don't have a strong Black husband years down the road. Black women love to act so independent but really that's what you fear most in the end. It just doesn't make sense.”

“Riightttttt!” the same hating chick from earlier shouted out.

“Girls don’t know how to please their men anymore and that's why a lot of bitches getting cheated on or left for Becky's. Don't even be giving it up right, but want a nigga to stop their whole world. Uh uh. Let's do better ladies!”

Asani rolled her eyes. Seeing as how this same weirdo was one of those lame bitches always lurking and watching her every move on social media, and also the same girl who made the petty comment earlier, she was not about to even entertain her baseless commentary. Instead, she puffed on her blunt, let out a soft sigh, and then cleared her throat before speaking.

“Feminism is an ideology that will always exist and hold weight as long as we remain loyal to its integrity. A lot of shit isnt ‘feminism’, its moreso your moral compass and knowing right from wrong. I am a feminist and if any woman in here believes otherwise, I challenge you to re- evaluate your stance. Regardless of if the consequences are debilitating or aiding, feminism, to me, means try me as a man. I only ask that the world not hold back and treat me with the same respect as my male counterparts outside of my physical attributes, sexual capabilities, or looks. If you only know women that are good for fucking, maybe the problem is with your choice in women. You really think that every single woman in this room or in the world is built the same? It's like men don't associate women with any sense of identity, individuality, or purpose at all besides being servants to men. You pay the bills and protect your home for your family... that's what you're supposed to do. You want a woman to marry you, follow your lead, take on your values, traditions, and last name... do you realize that when a woman agrees to marry a man, it's her who has to up and change her whole life and everything about herself? You want to be the man who wears the pants, you want to lead, to not be questioned, but do you even deserve her? Do you see her, outside of being just a woman, just your wife, just a vessel for your children? Do you value her, see worth in her, support her, care about her feelings, needs, or desires, as a human being? A good woman will submit, uplift you, challenge you, inspire you, bring your potential to new heights... She will love you, support you, have your back, stimulate you emotionally, mentally, physically, teach you and show you that there are things you may lack even as a man. A good woman who loves you will damn near go to war for you. But you have to be actively watering her and loving her to receive that version you say you want so bad. It’s interesting that men want to be loved and worshiped so badly but are incapable of showing that they actually love the women they pursue. Niggas have every advantage. Most times, we don’t even ask for much to show us that you care and y’all still have excuses and can’t handle the pressure. Niggas will, ‘I like you’ to death. ‘Can't wait to see you’ to death. ‘Can't wait to feel you, can't wait to be in you’ to death. What the fuck does any of that even really mean or equate to besides just being what it is? A lot of men don't even know love, and were never shown it. Y’all know lust. And in pussy you trust, so how could you say that that's all a woman has to offer when more often than not, your capacity for other forms of stimulation is significantly low and that's all you know how to do? Men like to use fucking as a political tool. It is one of the only ways that you know how to exercise power.”

 The room was filled with soft chatter from the multiple side conversations that were happening and Chauncey sipped on his drink, staring at Asani with a smug glare, plotting his comeback. Siren filled Asani’s glass with more wine and she took a couple of sips. She glanced over at Lenny and saw him staring too, in a state of mesmerization. He was slouched in his chair, typical Lenny style, rubbing his beard with one hand when they made eye contact for the second time. He gave her a deep look as if to ask, “you good?” and although they shared no words, Asani understood. She smiled softly and embraced Lenny with her eyes, then slightly nodded, as if to approve or answer yes. Chauncey took a sip and then took a draw from the blunt he was holding.

“Woman was made after man. Without men, there would be no necessity for women here on Earth. Just think about how men would prevail on Earth perfectly fine without women and how it wouldn't be the same if it were the other way around. Black, white, hispanic, it doesn't matter... If you want to get married and expect a ring, you need to be doing every single thing that a man asks of you with no arguments or questions asked. Why would I marry a woman who’s shown me that she can't even take a simple direction? I can take my time and actually love on a woman and fulfill all of her desires, needs, and passions, sure, but where does that get me in the end? A man can do all of those things and a woman will still act spoiled, selfish, and oblivious to his wants and needs. Trust me, I've been there and done that and the shit is draining. I don’t care, yo- In my eyes, after marriage, a woman’s job is to take care of the family and serve her husband who is also the man of the house and head of his home. If you my wife, yeah, I want sex, food, laundry, cleaning done, everything done when I ask with no back talk. Your priorities should be taking care of me and our family. Most women want to have their cake and eat it too. Want to be a wife, but don't want to sit down like a wife and behave like a wife. This is why bitches dont get rings no more. Whole mindset just twisted and fucked up. So, yeah, ultimately, if all I can do is fuck on you, then thats just ultimately what it will be.”

“Straight up bro”, Chauncey’s friend nodded in agreement and dapped him up.

“That’s facts” someone else commented.

“That's where you’re wrong”, Asani said confidently.

“Woman was made to compliment man. When women are dynamic, weak men feel intimidated because they can't figure them out or chew them up and spit them out. When we’re well versed or multifaceted, we somehow become less digestible to the basic and immature palette of most niggas. A woman’s sole purpose is not to serve you, but to compliment you, and that’s why both men and women can’t keep up successful relationships either romantic or platonic. We don't allow each other space to be completely who we are and still be valued.”

Chauncey was still irritable. Siren watched her girl in awe, respect, and admiration as she sparked another blunt and Lenny watched from the sideline, still gazing with the slightest smirk at the fiery lioness.

“Just because I know what it means to be my own woman, that shouldn't make me appear fragile or less desirable; that makes me a special breed. Don't get me wrong, a woman should make her man feel like a leader. She should aim to please him, but in her submission, she must still be absolute. If that intimidates you, then maybe you should reevaluate your masculinity. It makes sense that you say you’ve been there and done that.” Asani took a pull from the blunt that was in rotation. “Most men are used to women who make them question their manhood, causing them to create toxic and untrue ideas of love due to the insecurities they’re forced to harbor, deflect, and finally, inflict upon themselves and their partners, resulting in destructive and unhealthy patterns that last through generations in ways that we don’t even see or consider enough. You’re so defensive all the time, it makes me wonder if the reason why you have issues immersing yourself in loving a woman is because you look for in a woman what you lack in yourself and just the thought of someone having that amount of hold on you frightens you. You cant even fathom a woman of my caliber that would let you know that you that nigga from the start because when it comes to her own womanhood- of that, she is sure. Women can do anything that men can do and we often do it better. Only because we are natural nurturers, have we bred men to compliment us in return. Without you, we still prevail. But of course, a man needs things that a woman does not. And to provide those things without selfish intent takes the ideas of strength and devotion to tremendous heights. We can provide love, support, and foundations that are so genuine and pure, if you only allow yourself to experience it.”

“But there are a lot of girls who don't know how to give or accept love. Chicks want prince charming, want a nigga to wine and dine them and want the perfect relationship but most of these hoes just be scheming. If love is so important to yall then why dont yall work harder to show your love is all im asking? You try to take a woman out these days, show them a good time, and they be acting closed off. It's like a lot of women just don't have any love to give.”

“But maybe that's okay. Who says that a woman always has love to give? Sometimes a woman has to take the time to grow up too, focus on herself, and love herself. Like honestly, do yall see us as humans or are we just robots or dummies to you? As men, y’all have it so easy, you have no idea. Y’all so chill, have no worries in the world. Y’all can kick it, wild out, do whatever. Imagine putting yourself in a woman’s shoes. Men always think that women are looking or longing for love, and/or a relationship. Y’all have this immediate assumption that if a woman is single, intelligent, talented, business savvy, or all of the above, that she must be missing out on something or something must be wrong if she doesn't have a man. Not every woman is just out here looking for love or a relationship. Even strong, confident women who have done all of their self work and have fully found themselves... those women aren't always looking for a man or to get married, to be in a relationship, or to be in love. Just because a man may find me compelling, attractive, whatever... that doesn't mean that I have to have any attraction for him in return or that I have any interest or desire whatsoever in being with him or any man. That’s my question to you, and to all men in this room. Why do yall think that? Why do yall feel as though a woman is always looking for or interested in having a man? Why aren't we ever allowed to just be in love with ourselves, enjoy our own space, our own lives?”

Asani’s eyes shot up as they danced. She quickly skimmed the room, looking for an answer to the question she was dying to know.

A guy with long locs spoke up.

“But don't you see how that makes you selfish in a way? You say that now, and women do act like they want time to love themselves and that's cool and all but like... what if you wait too long and it's too late and then you don't have anybody to ever love you or at least just be a companion to you? You can be an individual, but if you’re so closed off and so in your own world and won’t let anyone else in it, there’s no way we can win the bigger battle and you’ll likely end up unhappy as a result of that too. Everyone needs companionship. Romantic or not”, he challenged Asani.

"Of course it's selfish. But you can't blame a person for being selfish. I have every right to be selfish when this is my life and I'm not responsible for anyone else's. When you’re young and bound by nothing, you have a duty to be selfish, you owe it to yourself in your prime. There’s no time line for how long it takes to find yourself, love yourself, and commit yourself to someone else, if you choose. There’s no blueprint for this, it's not black and white. Love is a gray area too muddy for us to try to make out so perfectly. I do agree though, that it's important to open up and let people in. Even if it starts with just having conversations like this. Companionship is important, but I can be a companion to someone and still be free.” She turned her words back to Chauncey.

“The reality is that there are women that exist that are extremely captivating and beautiful in every way and some of you will never get to experience them because you dont have any interest in getting to know us outside of sex or love or your idea of what you want us to be. How many women can you say you know that you've truly been a friend to, and seen fully as a person, or built a meaningful relationship or connection with that’s pure?” Chauncey was dazed by the drinks and all the weed smoke. He was more mellow now, and eventually with Asani, everyone came around...

“I can't argue that. I’ll have to get back to you on that one, for sure.”

****

Asani sat pretty and poised, eyes low from all the ganja smoke. Her voice was dry from talking and the alcohol made the humidity kick in. Her caramel skin was kissed with a dewy glow from her own perspiration in the skin tight silk mini dress that kept all eyes on her all night long. She was so feminine and attractive, yet demanding and sure of herself whenever she spoke that many men and women alike were drawn to her. She had magnetism. Her sex appeal and wit juxtaposed beautifully in a way that left most niggas hooked. Regardless of if they hated to admit it or disagreed with her views- there was something completely unique about her voice and her ability to draw light, to shine in rooms that felt dull or lackluster.

As she walked to the bar to find water, her eyes met Lenny’s once again. They hadn’t spoken all night, but their energy was in sync. Lenny spotted a stool at the bar and headed over towards Asani. Her face lit up and she gave him a bright, mischievous smile.

“Hey you!”

Lenny pulled Asani into his arms tight, gripped her waist, squeezed and picked her up playfully, sat her back down perfectly, and kissed her forehead. He took a step back to admire and appreciate her beauty, looking her down from head to toe with eager eyes, blushing. “I'm afraid of you”, Lenny said in his strong voice as he kissed the back of Asani’s hand.

“Haha, oh yea? How so?”

“You’re everything I thought you’d be.”

Asani looked up at the man standing before her. How do you describe a man who is pragmatic, God-like,and savage, with one word? That’s how she felt about Lenny. He lit a fire in her.

“You taught me well”, Asani said softly. She looked at Lenny intensely then wrapped her arms fully around his neck. Again, he pulled her waist in tight and close. They embraced for what seemed like forever, and the room felt still, like it was only the two of them. Asani took a step back, and kissed Lenny on the cheek.

“You built me”, she said.

“See you soon,” they said in unison, as they looked at each other with a feeling deeper than passion.

Asani grabbed her clutch from the bartop, ordered a round of azul shots for them both, threw hers back, and left alone... the same way she came in.

To Be Continued…